Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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