Swine flu is the new snow day.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
