69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
