I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
