you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
