why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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