Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
