I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize