You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
