i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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