I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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