I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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