we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
