that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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