This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
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Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
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The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Come on in and take your pants off
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