My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
