You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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