oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
