watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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