I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
