id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
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Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize