Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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