fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
