Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
