hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
