she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
