The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
