The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
