Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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