do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
