I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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