How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
