her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
