i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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