I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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