I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
