Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
