Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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