Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
