Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
