My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
