spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
