My hair reeks of homosexuality.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
