My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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