Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
