you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
