she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
