last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
