Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
