I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
