i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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