It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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