I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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