so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
