sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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