you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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