so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
