Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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