Texts From Last Night

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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.

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  (484): I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid. http://tfl.nu/8dyc
  Replies (23) Good night (4123) Bad night (806)
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  (415): View more from California

  its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead

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  (415): its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead http://tfl.nu/3qus
  Replies (45) Good night (941) Bad night (3552)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.

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  (403): his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly. http://tfl.nu/boxe
  Replies (7) Good night (4200) Bad night (934)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis

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  (414): I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis http://tfl.nu/ml6e
  Replies (6) Good night (1043) Bad night (3306)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat

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  (757): He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat http://tfl.nu/9wfo
  Replies (7) Good night (3040) Bad night (1073)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.

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  (205): I can HEAR him staring at your boobs. http://tfl.nu/pry3
  Replies (5) Good night (1402) Bad night (501)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you

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  (814): you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you http://tfl.nu/0g1k
  Replies (5) Good night (766) Bad night (1540)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running

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  (775): What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running http://tfl.nu/dwtn
  Replies (7) Good night (576) Bad night (1478)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that

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  (508): No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that http://tfl.nu/lub4
  Replies (3) Good night (364) Bad night (581)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??

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  (608): He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case?? http://tfl.nu/iqff
  Replies (4) Good night (390) Bad night (558)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.

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  (512): Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them. http://tfl.nu/p5sb
  Replies (0) Good night (850) Bad night (441)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing

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  (310): He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing http://tfl.nu/pfhu
  Replies (0) Good night (354) Bad night (502)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted

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  (972): You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted http://tfl.nu/dlxv
  Replies (0) Good night (411) Bad night (158)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober

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  (256): sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober http://tfl.nu/05zz
  Replies (1) Good night (273) Bad night (130)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.

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  (253): It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then. http://tfl.nu/cu4t
  Replies (0) Good night (282) Bad night (221)

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