Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things