the vacuum is drunk
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.