Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum

  (212): View more from New York

  i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls

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  (212): her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum (212): i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls http://tfl.nu/3qj9
  Replies (8) Good night (913) Bad night (1445)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  You surviving the open bar?

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  Super asto ex polenta omaha botad

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  (512): You surviving the open bar? (1-512): Super asto ex polenta omaha botad http://tfl.nu/tyvd
  Replies (15) Good night (1821) Bad night (584)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  well..are you winning?

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  (732): i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head. (215): well..are you winning? http://tfl.nu/bl8w
  Replies (24) Good night (1501) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.

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  (775): This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life. (1-775): Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life. http://tfl.nu/spac
  Replies (3) Good night (927) Bad night (3047)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.

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  (414): Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after. http://tfl.nu/9oxv
  Replies (41) Good night (1266) Bad night (7571)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.

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  (406): Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast. http://tfl.nu/9556
  Replies (18) Good night (6395) Bad night (964)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.

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  (215): I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang. http://tfl.nu/znwa
  Replies (9) Good night (2309) Bad night (449)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM

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  (703): I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM http://tfl.nu/jp0v
  Replies (6) Good night (2705) Bad night (466)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.

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  (214): I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports. http://tfl.nu/apdh
  Replies (4) Good night (686) Bad night (289)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?

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  (612): There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night? http://tfl.nu/9ive
  Replies (6) Good night (1103) Bad night (244)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods

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  (205): This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods http://tfl.nu/4tdp
  Replies (5) Good night (574) Bad night (363)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.

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  (405): I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome. http://tfl.nu/n5tl
  Replies (0) Good night (627) Bad night (270)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?

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  (604): you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping? http://tfl.nu/kskl
  Replies (1) Good night (515) Bad night (240)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night

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  (860): I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night http://tfl.nu/320l
  Replies (2) Good night (282) Bad night (652)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.

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  (704): You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor. http://tfl.nu/wkix
  Replies (0) Good night (235) Bad night (376)

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