I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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