If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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