Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
