Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
