i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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