Barsexuality is the new black.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
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I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
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I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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