I wanna bring you to show and tell
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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