Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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