Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
