you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
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He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
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I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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