I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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