I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
