Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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