You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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