Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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