you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize