Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
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you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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