Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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