it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
