Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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