apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize