All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
