dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
